Rubbing balloons on my head to get a whole lot of static on them, then sticking them to my ceiling. Hiring a deejay to play Shakira songs and getting cupcakes ready, as a result of…? You understand why! It’s time for a Star Mitzvah! Zack Gelof went 4-for-5 with two homers (7, 8). That’s in solely 25 video games! May Zack Gelof be having his Star Mitzvah? He’s Jewish, so there’s a case to made that he’s already had his chair lifted above his uncle’s head, whereas stated uncle was wheezing and out of breath. *taking a look at Zack Gelof’s stats earlier than writing out the examine for $18 for his Star Mitzvah* Oh, maintain up. Wow, his numbers are terrible. Is that Z-Contact% the worst within the majors if he certified? A 65% contact fee?! Wait, why is anybody throwing him strikes? As a result of they don’t know to not throw him strikes, is my guess. Plus, they’re pitching round Gelof for what cause? It’s the A’s. So, Zack Gelof appears like he has good pace and energy, however he may wrestle to hit .200 as soon as issues normalize. Oh, crap, and I already despatched invitations for Gelof’s star mitzvah. Awkward! Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Seth Brown – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his eleventh homer, hitting .219. There’s my preseason sleeper! *dodges tomato* What? *runs out of the room*
Trevor Might – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.78. Think about being so determined for saves that you simply’re trusting this. Trevor Might-I-interest-you-in-a-game-of-Russian-roulette?
Allan Winans – 7 IP,0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.59. One other Winans brother? Wow, this one appears like he may’ve starred in White Chicks with little make-up. Clearly, Winans is the most recent installment of a Braves’ Touki. Braves squat over a bowl earlier than video games and do an enormous ol’ Touki and so they let ’em pitch, i.e., he’s not truly good.
Matt Olson – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his forty third homer, hitting .273. Having some type of particular season. Might all of your cornermen drafted ever do with Olson is doing.
Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.03. A lot to the chagrin of the Ghost of Ralph Kiner, the Mets are attempting to lose. They’ve been making an attempt to lose for weeks now, as I instructed you weeks in the past. Quintana’s been positive, although.
Sandy Alcantara – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Dare to say Alcantara’s going to be a sneaky sleeper subsequent 12 months? I dare, I dare!
Eury Perez – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.19. Please simply shut him down.
Michael King – 2 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.08. Might be stretched out to be a starter. Which means it’ll be three to 4 begins earlier than he can go 5 innings, after which give me a ring-a-ding to see the place he’s at. Might be an fascinating monocle for 2024, however I’d guess the Yanks exit and signal some horrible outdated vets like Wealthy Hill.
Anthony Volpe – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his sixteenth homer. Volpe ought to win Comeback Participant of the 12 months if he comes again to win AL Rookie of the 12 months.
Clay Holmes – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.80. The New York Yikes are so diseased.
Gavin Williams – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.80. Subsequent 12 months, drafting all Guards starters and all Braves hitters. LFG!
Andres Gimenez – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his eleventh homer. Has been having a pleasant August for him, however, for many nice gamers, he’s had a half month that’s been about nearly as good as a day from Acuña.
Gabriel Arias – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his sixth homer. I’m not sporting glasses. I’m sporting two separate monocles only for Arias.
Tanner Bibee – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.90. Bibee Netan-wahoo!
Wander Franco – Didn’t play on Sunday, and didn’t journey with the Rays to San Francisco after allegations of an improper relationship with a minor was made this weekend. If this goes the way in which it feels to be going, Wander Franco won’t enjoying baseball for a really very long time.
Osleivis Basabe – 1-for-3, 1 run as he was recalled. Itch stated, “Basabe posted such an fascinating 2022 he made the record (of high ten Rays prospects). You don’t must squint to discover a Luis Arraez-plus-speed form of profile. Basabe performs satisfactory protection everywhere in the infield, too, so he ought to survive the post-shift reshuffle. I’d additionally prefer to reshuffle Gray’s face.” C’mon! Basabe appears like an AL-Solely play for now, however, if allegations about Wander Franco are true, then Basabe may’ve been referred to as up for a cause, and might need enjoying time.
Zach Eflin – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.67. Sucks for fantasy, however Rays appear like that H2H group that’s nice in April and Might, and is bounced the primary week of the playoffs.
Brayan Bello – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.81. Concern that you simply try this vs. the Tigers, you then’re tiring, and it doesn’t matter what the Streamonator says about you.
Justin Turner – 2-for-5, and his nineteenth homer, hitting .288, 2nd homer in two video games. Justin Turner has been surprisingly stable all 12 months. Sure, you pink that proper.
Trevor Story – 4-for-4, 2 runs and two steals (2, 3), hitting .368. The Story continues after the break…
Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.13. EdRod in Fenway, whispering right into a bottle, “You’ll be able to’t go house, once more,” then throws it into the Charles River.
Akil Baddoo – 1-for-4 and his seventh homer, and has been hitting leadoff, and I simply picked him up in an AL-Solely league, and that’s the one place I’d.
Brandon Pfaadt – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 6.91. See pflashes of what may very well be with him, however pfew and pfar between.
Seth Lugo – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.16. Appears like Lugo’s usefulness is beginning to come to an finish, as he is likely to be tiring.
Taijuan Walker – 5 IP, 3 ER, 3 hits, 6 BBs, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.03. Walker, certainly.
Ranger Suarez – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.88. Streamonator had him sorta constructive yesterday, and I did a thanger with Ranger.
Jordan Luplow – 1-for-5 and his 1st homer. It’s so gee-dee humorous how unhealthy the AL Central is that the simple chief in that division is beginning Luplow within the three-hole.
Sonny Grey – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.04. You thought he’d get a Win? You thought he’d get a Win? Why? As a result of he pitched effectively? Wait, he did get the Win. Oh, I obtained myself all labored up for no cause.
Edward Olivares – Optioned to Triple-A. “See? It wasn’t my fault!” That’s Dayton Moore.
Cole Ragans – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.21. Ragans illuminates that for those who let runners on, they will result in runs. It’s the trickle down concept of baseball.
J.P. France – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.74. France? Extra like Mon-can-go! That’s the worst pun that’s ever been dedicated to the written phrase.
Jose Abreu – Hit the IL with again irritation. Mark Morrison, “(Return of the again), as soon as once more.”
Jose Urquidy – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.50. Couple extra of these kinda begins and I is likely to be .
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3 and his forty first homer. Might be skipping his subsequent begin vs. the Rangers. “What’s Wednesday?” “The day God created the skipped begin.”
Chase Silseth – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Why does it really feel like Silseth is doing what we anticipated from Detmers and Canning for the final 5 years and we’re all similar to, “Meh, no matter?”
Julio Urias – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Rattling Daniel. Watch me truly be into Urias subsequent 12 months (uncertain, however his worth will probably be cheaper, so perhaps).
Jared Triolo – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st profession homer. “I did it, ma! I did it!” That’s Triolo seeing himself talked about in a Razzball roundup.
Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-9 and his sixteenth and seventeenth homer. Having a kind of seasons the place you’re like, “Effectively, at the very least he’s not horrible.”
Brandon Williamson – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.33 vs. Mitch Keller – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.27. If two starters, who I don’t belief, come collectively to make a sound that they need to be trusted, does anybody hear it? (No.)
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-9 and a slam (10) and legs (16). E! is the quickest participant in historical past to 10 homers and 15 steals, behind just one participant. E! did it in 58 video games; Barry Bonds did it in 57 video games.
Daulton Varsho – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 14th homer. For those who would’ve instructed me a catcher on tempo for a 20/20 season, could be droppable in most blended leagues, I wouldn’t have believed you.
Jameson Taillon – 3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.71. Named Jameson, as a result of he be making me drink.
Hyun-Jin Ryu – 5 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Streamonator hates Ryu’s subsequent begin, and I can’t blame it, tee be aitch.
Dylan Carlson – Hit the IL with an indirect pressure. If he had been traded to 2 weeks in the past, he’d be on his 14th straight sport with two homers, however who’s counting?
George Kirby – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.11. He’s nice, I like him. Him and Logan Gilbert are going to be on all my 2024 fantasy groups. With all that stated, rating a freakin’ run for him towards Cole Irvin!
Kyle Bradish – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Okay, I’d draft some Orioles starters too. It’s an entire new world!
Cedric Mullins – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his tenth homer. Don’t often point out guys who homer who don’t begin the sport, however Cedric the HRtainer had among the finest ten-minute stretches in baseball. From robbing a homer to hitting one and profitable the sport. May simply root for the O’s this playoffs.
Andrew Heaney – 1 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.17, and was out early as a result of he was sick earlier within the week. I simply wouldn’t have began him, however I’m merely a fairly face, so what do I do know?
Dane Dunning – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, and a profession excessive of 12 Ks, ERA at 3.10. Dane Beautiful. Dane Stunting on these hitters. Really unimaginable. He had a 5.7 Ok/9 on July 1st, which was virtually useless final within the majors. Since, he’s close to a strikeout per inning, and is certainly one of solely 17 starters with three or extra video games of 10+ Ks this 12 months, tied with Wheeler, Nola, Stop, Lopez, and Castillo. Of the strikeouts, near-40% have been wanting. That’s 4th finest within the league.
Julio Pablo Martinez – 2-for-4, 1 run. I noticed the Rangers’ beat author name him JP Martinez, and briefly I assumed I had broke by to a brand new dimension the place there was a Simply Pong Martinez. He’s platooning in a nook outfield spot for the Rangers, and, in Triple-A, he went 12/33/.312, which is fairly good, however he’s outdated, so the thought is he’s a Quad-A participant, however Quad-A gamers typically come up and are nice for a month-plus.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-3 and his fifteenth homer, and 2nd homer in as many video games. When he will get scorching, he goes from zero to schmotato.
Alex Cobb – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.62. Cobb was adopted by Wooden (4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.92), and, for those who had both Cobb or Wooden, you had been f*cked.
Logan Webb – 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.26. Webb gem.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Sweating and humma’ing at FreddyKBB’s final 4 begins.
Jesse Scholtens – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.20. Enjoyable truth! When he’s not pitching, Scholtens is combating athlete’s foot.